Contributor: T. Dozier-Grady

As a recent graduate from college, I thought I would have experienced dating by now. I thought I was going to find my soulmate in college, but it did not work out the way I thought it would. I was trying to rush into something that God knew I was not ready for. I was still developing as a person, figuring out what I like and did not like, or the person I wanted to become. I did not realize this until my last year of college when I took the Singleness class at KCC. 

If I could go back and give myself any wisdom about being single, what would it be? I would tell myself to learn how to be content with who you are. Make a list of what you like and what you need to improve so that you are a whole and complete person. I made the mistake of getting caught up in what qualities my partner should have instead of focusing on what I could bring to the table. 

Second, do not let everything you see on social media put a damper on being single. I was guilty of doing this a lot. I would look at my news feed and see people my age posting pictures of spending time with their significant other, an engagement ring, or the wedding day. I felt like I should have been dating and in the same stage. I was trying to rush the process without completing the work God had for me. The top priority is learning to be content with yourself and developing who you are through God. 

Another thing I would tell myself is, don’t rush. Pastor Trev preached a sermon on how to maximize the state of singleness. I have come to terms that this season is the time for me to be single. Pastor Trev defined singleness as the “state where you have the greatest opportunities to develop and express who you are.” You can frustrate the person that you bring into a relationship if you don’t know who you are. When Pastor Trev made that statement, I remember thinking, “What do I really like? What are my non-negotiables?”

Four, learn to live within God’s restrictions and see as HE sees. During the Singleness Life App class, our teachers explained that using the boundaries from the Word of God can allow us to learn about ourselves. When we live within the restrictions, then we can avoid unnecessary drama. 

Finally, the most important step of maximizing the state of being single is your relationship with God. This is the foundation. We must understand His love for us and develop our hearing for the Lord’s voice. 

I would recommend for anyone who is single to listen to the “Don’t Rush” sermon by Pastor Trev Evans. Also, Bishop O’neal has written a book called The Ultimate Achievement about the singleness stage. Remember, “singleness is a time for preparation, and preparation is never wasted.” (Bishop O’neal)